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Happy 1st Birthday :: Keagan Eyre

Today was a little more difficult dropping Keagan off at Mrs. Nancy’s, our babysitter. I am not sure why it was more difficult for me. I’m usually not there when Crissy leaves to take him but as I sat in the truck, backed in the driveway, I saw a little head pop up in the glass door looking out to the driveway. It was my son, Keagan Eyre. I almost got a little emotional today remembering the journey over the past 12 months, being that today is his first birthday. I remember the struggles with colic and being sleep deprived, thinking that if this what parenting was all about then it won’t happen for us again, ever. The first few months were almost unbearable, for me anyways. We struggled through the hours of screaming, crying, and being upset. All three of us had our times. But now a year later, I can’t imagine my life any differently. I still remember the “bad” or “hard” times but looking into that door this morning, I didn’t think any of that. I just thought, “that’s my little boy.” I was overwhelmed with emotion, much as I am writing this post today. It is and was an amazing feeling.

Lately, I have used this relationship with Keagan to begin to understand God better and His love for us. How I saw Keagan today is exactly how God sees us every single moment of our lives. God’s not dumb but He is very forgetful… on purpose. It doesn’t matter what we have done; when God sees us, all He thinks about is, “that’s my child.” It brings tears to my eyes to think that God, someone that I continually upset, hurt, or dissappoint loves me so much. I have said it before, it blows my mind!

As I described in an earlier post, “Father, Just Hold Me” , I have been seriously seeking God and really beginning to learn the true meaning of his love that he has for us. I hope to be able to express the things that God shows me day in and day out throughout this journey. My mess is my message, as transparent as I can make it!